Jordan Nobbs on grief and the importance of dreaming big
Photography: PA Images
Jordan Nobbs, then Arsenal captain, spent some nine months on the sidelines after rupturing her anterior cruciate ligament during the Gunners’ 4-0 win over Everton in 2018. It was a knee injury that would also see the England vice-captain ruled out of the 2019 Women’s World Cup in France.
But this was anything but the first major hurdle the north-east-born midfielder has faced. In a moving interview, Nobbs opens up to Twentytwo’s Claire Bloomfield about the personal tragedy that almost derailed her football career before it had even started.
“I was travelling down to Arsenal at the time and facing a decision about what club I wanted to go to. Obviously, as soon as I went to Arsenal, it looked like the best option in the world. I needed to decide whether to leave my family and move down to London or whether to stay at home. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.
“I remember getting off the train after visiting Arsenal’s facilities and my dad saying: ‘Your grandad has been diagnosed with cancer’. He went into a hospice literally the next day, and within three weeks, he had passed away.
“In between that, I was still going back and forth to Arsenal and trying to decide what to do. When I came back again on the train about three weeks later, my nan had taken her own life. It was a whirlwind of emotions, and I think leaving my mum at the time was an unbearable thought.
“You talk about things, like my recent ACL injury, but that was the hardest time in my life; to leave home and also feel like I wasn’t a part of my nan’s life when she was obviously struggling. I was very young, only 17 at the time, and you don’t really know how to deal with things like that.
“I’d lived with my nan and grandad for two years, so we had a close relationship. I felt like, not that it was my duty to make them proud, but I think I would have regretted it for the rest of my life if I had not taken that decision to go and play professionally. I had a chance to live the dream of playing football, and I would often think about how much they had supported me over the years.
“Naturally, with your nan and grandad, you just feel like there’s this unconditional love that is like no other. My grandad even took me to my first trial for Sunderland at the age of seven, they had been through it all with me.
“When I began to realise that I couldn’t change things or bring them back, I carried on my dream - the dream that they shared”
“Every Sunday after I had played a game, and if my nan and my grandad hadn’t been able to make it, I would spend an hour on the phone telling them about what happened.
“When I began to realise that I couldn’t change things or bring them back, I carried on my dream - the dream that they shared. If they could know what I’ve achieved in my career so far then they would be bursting with joy, that’s how I know I did the right thing.
“Not a lot of people knew what I went through when I was joining Arsenal back then. Well, no one actually. When I first arrived, I didn’t really have any close friends or people around me that were my age who I could talk to. It was probably only recently that I’ve spoken up about that time in my life.
“I’ve never properly grieved because I went straight into Arsenal. I had to be ready and put my boots on, no matter whether I was emotional or not. And if not, then Arsenal wouldn’t have wanted me. They couldn’t have said, ‘Oh, we understand, let’s keep you anyway.’ At the end of the day, I had to play, perform, and train well.
“I sometimes think, if only I had signed a little bit quicker for Arsenal, then maybe I could have shown my nan. That’s just the way life goes, and you have to accept that, but I obviously miss them both very much. I know they’re watching down on me, and they’re proud, but I’d have loved them to be able to see me enjoy the career I have now.”
Jordan Nobbs was speaking at the launch of Lucozade Sport's women's football campaign.
Words: Clare Bloomfield
First published 10 September 2019